Wanna-Be Veep Photosheeped — A Contest

September 4th, 2008

Okay, I didn’t do my due diligence.  The picture of Sarah Palin modeling NRA swimming-pool fashions is a phony. It’s a Photoshop assembly done by someone with a lot of time on his/her hands and a tremendous sense of humor.  I really regret learning this — I’d thought that we, as a nation, after more than 140 years of guys in ties (or whatever passed as ties in previous centuries) had finally evolved to the point where we can vote for a woman in a bathing suit holding a gun.  And if she promised to dress like that in office, I’d probably support her.

I learned that the shot was bogus at the Huffington Post website, which is run by Arianna Huffington.  For those of you who have somehow managed to miss Ms. Huffington’s prolonged and enormously expensive self-promotion campaign, she is the very wealthy (via a creative divorce) left-wing knee-jerk commentator who used to be a very wealthy right-wing knee-jerk commentator.  It must have caused Huffington pain to reveal that the picture is a fake, so I believe that the report is true.

But I’m a novelist, right?  And since when do novelists have to let a little thing like facts interfere with their work?  So I’m sticking with the photo for now, and making it the basis of a contest.  I’d like to offer a copy of one of my Simeon Grist novels to the three people who come up with the best captions for this photo.  Here are two of mine to get you started:

With one unmarried teenage daughter already pregnant, GOP vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin demonstrates her family’s new approach to birth control.

Or:

In a bid to win the votes of animal lovers, GOP vice-presidential candidate and NRA member Sarah Palin proves that hunting does not have to be a blood sport by showing the proper form for shooting rubber ducks.

Or, if you’re more comfortable operating in the real world (whatever that actually means), send me a caption for this picture, which is just as nature created it, so to speak — completely unaltered.

Yes, that’s a dead bear.  Yes, that’s a dead giant crab, apparently guarding an ashtray.

Come on, give me some captions.  We might as well have fun with Governor Palin before we have to start taking her seriously.  Or, as President Bush would say, taking her serious.

15 Responses to “Wanna-Be Veep Photosheeped — A Contest”

  1. Cynthia Mueller Says:

    VP Palin hosted a private dinner reception for the senior members of the Junior League in the Blue Room of the White House. Entertainment included a collection of folk medleys (both Tlingit and Aleut) and the greatest hits of 36 Crazyfists, performed by the Washington Day School Wind Ensemble. The menu included Surf ‘N Turf — Alaskan Style, followed by a dessert of wild blueberry puffs and Winter Ale on the Truman Balcony.

  2. Timothy Hallinan Says:

    I thought it was the junior members of the Senior League. By the way, in order to snap your fingers Tlingit-style, you have to put your hand in the freezer compartment of your refrigerator and keep it there until the fingers actually break when you snap them. Understandably, the Tlingit snap their fingers only when the rhythm is really, really, really, really irresistible.

    With all apologies to any Tlingit who may be reading this.

  3. Dana King Says:

    For the bathing suit picture:
    Fox publicity photo for new fall program: Governator- The Sarah Palin Chronicles.

  4. Larissa Says:

    with the bathing suit: Palin promotes her new foreign policy plan.

    and for the bottom photo: So excited to get out of Alaska, Palin begins to interview some of her closest advisers to be potential members of cabinet.

  5. Timothy Hallinan Says:

    You three win. I’m in Nashville now but will send out books at the beginning of the coming week. If any of you already has one or more of the Simeons, please let me know so I can send you one you don’t have.

    I FINISHED MISDIRECTION on Sunday. I can breathe again. More later.

  6. Cynthia Mueller Says:

    Congrats on the big finish (and that breathing thing, too.) Eagerly awaiting my new book. Thank you! I don’t have any of the Simeons.

    BTW, Bob (my husband) just finished Fourth Watcher over the weekend. He liked it even better than A Nail Through The Heart, but he was wondering what happened to Superman. Will we be seeing him again, do you think?

  7. Timothy Hallinan Says:

    Cynthia —

    I knew I’d like your husband.

    I just finished writing several hundred pages that either featured or referenced Superman, who has moved on to a new phase in his life, a twist I think is very interesting.

    I’m going to do a blog about finishing the book, but I have to wrap things up here in Nashville first.

  8. Lisa Kenney Says:

    Congratulations on finishing MISDIRECTION!

  9. Larissa Says:

    yaay! (c: It’s ok, I’m still in Germany so no rush. I hit the states October 1st but you can send it before then if it fits your schedule better. I don’t have any of the books so close your eyes and pick one. 😀 And, more importantly-Congratulations on finishing the book! That’s awesome! I will be checking back to see about your “I finished my book” blog post. 😀

  10. Timothy Hallinan Says:

    Thanks, Lisa — I know you’ve been sending me support.

    Hey, Larissa — please e-mail me a mailing address, and I’ll get the book off at the end of the month.

    And thanks for the congrats. I finished the last sentence and burst into tears. Perhaps that’s an insufficiently manly admission for a male thriller writer, but that’s what happened.

  11. Larissa Says:

    I can imagine. Manly schmanly it’s been a big process for you. (c: I’ll send you an email with my mailing address soon. (c:

  12. Larissa Says:

    Ok, so I mailed you my address from my yahoo account. We’ve emailed back and forth with it before but check your SPAM folder in case you don’t see it.

  13. Timothy Hallinan Says:

    Got it, Larissa —

    Book will go out at the end of the month. I lose everything, so please forgive my not being able to find the address.

  14. Sharai Says:

    Hold on to those Simeon’s!!!! There’s another entry: The bikini photo is a brochure for a Palin How To Succeed In Politics Seminar Titled, “Walk With A Swivel And Carry A Big Gun”.

    Simeon Grist is ‘The Man’ and he deserves a comeback some day.

    congratulations on your third Bangkok novel, “The Fourth Watcher” is terrific.

  15. Timothy Hallinan Says:

    Sharai — Sharai? Is that you? (Admittedly, there’s only one way that question can be answered, but you know what I mean.)

    Thanks for the vote for old Simeon. I reviewed INCINERATOR, which I hadn’t read in something like ten years, last month, and didn’t like it very much. But I think that three or maybe four of them hold up pretty well — THE FOUR LAST THINGS, THE MAN WITH NO TIME, EVERYTHING BUT THE SQUEAL, and THE BONE POLISHER.

    Looking at those right now, they’re pretty good titles. Why do I have so much trouble with titles these days?

    Keep dropping by, Sharai.

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