The Stupid 365 Project, Day 67A: Wolf Trap

December 7th, 2010

Feminist critic Naomi Wolf has just posted a hilarious and spot-on piece about Julian Assange’s problems over at The Huffington Post.  

The heading is 1.3 MILLION MEN INTERPOL SHOULD ARREST.  To save you the link, it’s below — but you should go over if only to read the comments.

Heeeeere’s Naomi:

Dear Interpol:

As a longtime feminist activist, I have been overjoyed to discover your new commitment to engaging in global manhunts to arrest and prosecute men who behave like narcissistic jerks to women they are dating.

I see that Julian Assange is accused of having consensual sex with two women, in one case using a condom that broke. I understand, from thealleged victims’ complaints to the media, that Assange is also accused of texting and tweeting in the taxi on the way to one of the women’s apartments while on a date, and, disgustingly enough, ‘reading stories about himself online’ in the cab.

Both alleged victims are also upset that he began dating a second woman while still being in a relationship with the first. (Of course, as a feminist, I am also pleased that the alleged victims are using feminist-inspired rhetoric and law to assuage what appears to be personal injured feelings. That’s what our brave suffragette foremothers intended!).

Thank you again, Interpol. I know you will now prioritize the global manhunt for 1.3 million guys I have heard similar complaints about personally in the US alone — there is an entire fraternity at the University of Texas you need to arrest immediately. I also have firsthand information that John Smith in Providence, Rhode Island, went to a stag party — with strippers! — that his girlfriend wanted him to skip, and that Mark Levinson in Corvallis, Oregon, did not notice that his girlfriend got a really cute new haircut — even though it was THREE INCHES SHORTER.

Terrorists. Go get ’em, Interpol!

Yours gratefully,

Naomi Wolf

19 Responses to “The Stupid 365 Project, Day 67A: Wolf Trap”

  1. Larissa Says:

    LOL. Brilliant! I have a few they could arrest while they were at it…(C:

  2. Timothy Hallinan Says:

    This actually comes as a complete surprise to me. I failed to see any trace of a sense of humor in THE BEAUTY TRAP, but I think this is really wonderful.

  3. Suzanna Says:

    Really, hilarious. I especially like that someone like Naomi Wolfe came out to poke fun at Interpol and the two Wounded Wilma’s. If the charges she suggests in her piece are all they have on Assange I have to ask, are these women even for real? This all sounds so unbelievably petty. I guess it was all they needed to get him where they wanted.

  4. Timothy Hallinan Says:

    Wounded Wilmas — that’s really funny. One of them turns out to be anti-Israel and she’s part of an organization that invites all these pro-Palestinian dudes in to spread the Word. Yup, this is what the Land of the Free used to cage this butterfly.

  5. Gary Says:

    Someone should start producing T-shirts with all 500 of the WikiLeaks website mirrors printed front and back.

    Well, it worked for PGP.

  6. Laren Bright Says:

    I’m still at Wounded Wilmas.

  7. Timothy Hallinan Says:

    Great idea — and may there be 10,000 of them by morning.

    Yes, Laren, I laughed out loud, and I wasn’t really in the laughing vein.

  8. Sabine Says:

    Hi Tim,

    There are not yet 10,000 of them, but 1,005. It’s going to get pretty hard for the US to close them all down.

    By the way, I’m still missing the comment I posted on your Viagra blog on 3rd December (I guess). Did it jump to your spam file or was it Wikileaks who captured it?

  9. Larissa Says:

    Gary-Hell Yes! That’s all I have to say about that.

  10. fairyhedgehog Says:

    Mr Assange’s behaviour is clearly shocking and every right-thinking person has to agree that his extradition is a matter of national emergency. Incompetence in using a condom! I mean, whatever next.

  11. Timothy Hallinan Says:

    Hi, Riss — I’m with you (and Gary).

    Note that hackers brought down the sites for Visa, the Swedish prosecutor’s office, and half a dozen others this morning. Note that PayPal said it did indeed CAVE IN TO US GOVERNMENT PRESSURE.

    (Sorry about the caps. I’m really torn between continuing to write about this outrage and going back to mindless entertainment.)

    Hello, Sabine, and welcome. 1,005 is good news, especially since the number is certainly growing. And I review ALL comments (because the software forces me to) but don’t remember letting yours slip by. It might have been pre-selected by WordPress as spam — I get thousands of pieces of spam every day. Will keep my eyes open for you in the future.

    By the way, I take back everything negative I ever said about the Huffington Post. They and the Guardian, in the UK, are the only global outlets I know of that are really carrying the torch on the shameful Assange matter. More power to them.

  12. Sabine Says:

    Tim, thanks for your kind welcome. Yes, indeed, the number is growing – it’s 1241 at the moment. What’s even better: has been inaccessible for more than twelve hours now. They’ve been under a constant attack by 720 computers. Naomi’s story in the Huffington Post was very funny. But it’s not only the Guardian who’s keeping track of this matter, but the SPIEGEL in Germany as well with thousands of comments and hundreds of thousands of visitors reading their discussion forums.

    I just tried to sent my old comment again, but the software said “Duplicate comment detected; it looks as though you’ve already said that!” That’s true. I said that several times, but in remained invisible. I hope you don’t mind me putting this old Viagra comment here:

    Hi Tim,
    Hi All,

    “I’ve never understood what women find attractive in men.”

    Nor did I, though I’m a bisexual woman, who prefers men. But I’m trying to find it out soon (i.e. prior to 2050) as I’m just writing a novel with two gay male main characters. Hopefully they are going to tell me …

    Many thanks to you, Tim, for your “Finish Your Novel” piece, which I discovered only some days ago. Contrary to your assumption I read ALL OF IT from the very beginning to the very end! Each and every single letter and punctuation mark! And I enjoyed it no end!

    It immediately cured me from a chronical writer’s block which had kept me in its clutches for about seven or eight weeks. While still reading your lessons I continued writing my gay rubbish.

    And by the way:

    “What’s next, a remedy for persistent female dryness?”

    Is this a serious question? Really? Here’s the remedy: Replace your utterly boring guy with a hot one.


    Sabine from Germany

  13. Larissa Says:

    Sabine: I like the last bit of advice. Stimmt! (c:

  14. Timothy Hallinan Says:

    Hey, Sabine — You win the keys to the site — you can go anywhere, read anything, comment on all of it. I’m (a) really glad the writing stuff was useful to you, (b) tickled you’re writing again, (c) doubting that your book about gay men is rubbish — if I can get away with writing 45,000 words in which all the characters are young, impoverished Thai women who have been forced, either literally of figuratively, into prostitution, you’ll do fine with your gay men. People are people, and I think we’re much less likely to get into trouble if we focus first, last, and always on our characters and let the story take care of itself. God knows, I’ve never had the slightest idea where my plots were going.

    And thanks for the news about the WikiLeaks proliferation and the dead-certain cure for female dryness.

    Oh, and Sabine — block and copy your response before submitting it, so you’ve got it if Catcha eats it. And if you get that insane “Looks like you’ve already said that” response, just change the first word. Put “well” or something in front of it.

    Riss — what’s Stimmt?

    (The 16-year-old kid who does my e-book covers just informed me that the new one is going “to be pretty beast.” Yes! That’s the kind of language I need!) So what’s “Stimmt”?

  15. Sabine Says:

    “Riss — what’s Stimmt?”

    It means: That’s right.

    More tomorrow. It’s midnight here and I had a hell of a day writing millions of words – no, not for my novel, but about Wikileaks. I promise, I swear not to make this mistake again.

  16. Timothy Hallinan Says:

    FHH — in Sweden they call it “sex by surprise.” I am NOT making this up. What a surprise, to learn Naomi Wolf has a sense of humor that sharp.

  17. Larissa Says:

    hehe…sex by surprise sounds fun…though not in the way the Swedes mean it perhaps.

    And sorry for the arrant German Tim…I felt compelled to drag it out of the muck in my brain. (c: I’ve been slacking on my studying of German lately–too many projects…

  18. Bonnie Says:

    Ha, we have another German speaker here. Willkommen, Sabine! (Though since I am not really the host it’s perhaps inappropriate for me to say that.)

    Tim, are you using Akismet for spam-trapping?

  19. Sabine Says:

    Tim – Yes, of course you’re right. My NOIP (novel in progress) isn’t rubbish. It’s just shit. Because it’s the first draft. I don’t like to produce shit and I don’t like to read it, but I have to. It’s like torturing myself. And no, my characters are neither young, nor impoverished, nor women, nor prostitutes, nor anything thrilling like this. Instead they are ending their thirties, are extremely handsome wealthy men, who do not even dare to think about prostitutes in their dreams – male ones of course, the ones who are now officially permitted to use condoms. Why not female prostitutes? That’s an easy one: Catholic priests are either in need of their housekeepers – or of male prostitutes. No need for female ones. But what makes my NOIP really unbearable: these two guys love each other. And neither of them dies in the end. Shocking.

    Larissa, Bonnie – Please don’t destroy your life by trying to learn German. It’s just too complicated. Not even the Germans themselves know how to speak or write it properly. Some time ago an innocent guy became a millionaire by writing funny books with funny situations, all invented to teach Germans their own mother tongue. This guy is not only selling millions of copies of his several books – he’s touring the country regularly, filling halls with 20,000 folks. There’s obviously a need for guys like him.

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