Spam I Am

August 11th, 2011

Time for another peep into the endlessly intriguing world of spam.

Certificate of Authenticity: All the following messages were actually submitted to this site.  I whittled a couple of them, because some of these people are obviously being paid by the word, but there’s been no rewrite, and all punctuation is original, and at times it’s extremely original.

By the way, I’ve found it helps if you read the longer posts aloud in a Boris-and-Natasha Russian accent.

1.  Liguid Gel Sperm Pills

I’ve read it four times and I still don’t get anything I’m willing to believe.

2.  Hello clever points . . . now why did not i consider these? Off topic slightly, is this web page pattern merely from an strange set up or else do you employ a custom-made template. I take advantage of an webpage i’m in search of to enhance and well the visuals is probably going one of the key things to complete on my list.

I’ve never actually been called “clever points” before, so this got my attention.  For those who have asked the same question, this web page pattern is indeed from an strange set up.

3.  Deodorant tablets

I’m not the expert, but isn’t this kind of the long way around?

4.  I do a system restore or reboot, whatever its called? Because I do virus scans, I cleaned out any unwanted programs and it is still slow? I was thinking if I restored my computer back to the “out of box” state it will make it faster? I know i’ll lose everything but thats the whole point.

You could save a lot of time? If you simply dropped it out the window?

5.    Yeah,you can open your divergent thinking. your thinking may be feasible .You can place yourself in this moment ,and believe that everything will be ok .The surroundings is contented with life. Birds are singing,and you can fell energetic. What you just do is going out,and dress up yourself . you can wear a cool underwear!

I don’t have a cool underwear, but I’ll bet those birds would be singing if I did have one. And, you know, the surroundings is contented with life, although it took me a long time to realize it.

6.    wow, awesome post, I was wondering how to cure acne naturally. and found your blog

I’m going to refer you to “O’Malley’s Tips For Teens,” pretty much the Holy Grail for questions about acne.

7.  Nли! Hужен хостинг или сервер ? Обращайся админ

Whoa, stop, stop. You had me at “Nли!”

8.  Penis Pills Broken Arrow

“Broken Arrow” is not, perhaps, the ideal name for a penis pill.

9.  As with most light-duty front, there are occasional problems with the “lesser” – rubber between the faceplate and a bathroom. But with proper maintenance, this problem can be overt.

I know exactly what you mean, but I hear it said so rarely.

10.  Fun T-Shirt Sayings, writes: The very heart of your writing whilst appearing reasonable at first, did not work well with me personally after some time. Someplace throughout the paragraphs you actually were able to make me a believer unfortunately just for a short while. I nevertheless have a problem with your jumps in logic and one would do nicely to help fill in all those gaps. In the event you actually can accomplish that, I could certainly end up being amazed.

I hope you do end up amazed because I’ve been following your T-shirts for a long time.

Next up, I think, is something new from Robb about which I can say no more.  My lips are sealed.

13 Responses to “Spam I Am”

  1. Lil Gluckstern Says:

    Whoa, I’m jealous. Your spam is way more interesting, if incomprehensible, than mine.

  2. Timothy Hallinan Says:

    Yes, I attract a superior class of spammers.

  3. Sharai Says:

    If you continue with the non stop laughter I am going to send you money?

  4. Suzanna Says:

    Not, that I’m complaining, but the only unwanted communication I get is not via the internet but via phone. Thank goodness for caller i.d. though. My anger quotient has gone way done since I stopped answering telemarketing calls. I think you’d be an overnight gazillionaire if you could invent a gizmo that signaled you that a telemarketer was calling just so you wouldn’t have to tear around the house to find the phone and see who’s calling. Although, wait, maybe not such a good idea. Running to get the phone, I’m ashamed to say, is sometimes the most exercise I get in a day.

  5. EverettK Says:

    In the spirit of some of your spammers, I ran my comment (below)through an English-to-Greek translator, then a Geek-to-French translator, and finally a French-to-English translator. I think it adds some depth to my thoughts. Translation follows:

    I think that some of the problem it qu’ can be needed; they make thanks to l’ use of the software of automatic translations. Perhaps these spammers one needs qu’ they pay of translator for qu’ they do a better work. At least, perhaps their penis will become lengthened.

  6. Usman Says:

    Broken Arrow?
    Why do they never send me that. This is patent discrimination.

    Tim, your spam has something to do with your captcha. I just got Trated tutors.
    The key words are rated and tutors.

  7. Tom Logan Says:

    Tim, I’ll stop sending you spam if you’ll do something about the Captcha letters, most of which I can’t read.

  8. Tom Logan Says:

    Tim, I’ll stop sending you spam if you’ll do something about the reCaptcha letters, most of which I can’t read.

  9. Steve Rosse Says:

    You mean those pills may not work? Aw, shucks. There’s fifty bucks down the drain.

  10. Gary Says:

    You’re far too easily defeated by Cyrillic spam. It’s actually quite profound. It says:

    “Nli! Huzhen hosting or server? treat admin”

    Isn’t that something?

  11. Robb Royer Says:

    I knew Everett was going to say that

  12. Larissa Says:

    I actually got spam in a new form the other day…it was the message that was left on the pen-test pad at my job…it reads: squiggle, you are hella beautiful! ~~ Lun Yew arrow write!

    Love it.. It also has some interesting characters that I cannot reproduce in type text. Lun Yew!

  13. Howard Marder Says:

    It is reassuring to know that those of us who are your dedicated readers are in such good company. Perhaps we could distinguish these “SPAMers” from the rest of us by referring to us a Corned Beef Hashers or some such other delightful canned treat.

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