A Christmas Wish

December 23rd, 2011

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the House
Not a politician was stirring, nor mistress, nor spouse.
The Senate was empty, its plushy seats bare,
The Dems and Repubs—thank Heaven—not there.

Up on Penn Ave, in that house painted white
The phones were on hold, no alarms in the night.
And over on First Street, in their white marble fort
No Justices sat in the land’s highest court.

In the Treasury Building (it’s nobody’s fault!)
Residing alone in the once-bursting vault–
As though they’d been left by a seasonal witch–
Just one lump of coal and a thin willow switch.

The Social Security coffers were bare,
A sign that politicos had surely been there.
And shoved under doorways, like late-breaking news,
Were thousands and thousands of old IOUs.

The Capitol’s empty, the lawmakers gone,
All flown out first-class ’til the New Year’s bright dawn.
And as Christmas nears, that most festive day,
Let’s think up a plan to keep it that way.

No government’s better than the one that we’ve got.
Like pigs at a trough, our lawgivers squat,
Gobbling pork and dreaming up wars
And trying to act like they’re not really whores.

The White House, the Senate, the House, and the Court
All peddling influence and juice by the quart,
While claiming that all our best interests are met,
As hour by hour we fall further in debt.

So I say, good riddance, let’s keep it all closed.
Let’s try not to get additionally hosed.
Here’s cause for the “occupy” people to shout;
A nice human wall to keep the swine out.

A vision of sugarplums, a dance of delight,
Washington, empty for ten thousand nights.
No wars, no new taxes, no flags in lapels,
No ‘publican primary this peaceful Noel.

Neoclassical buildings all empty and still
A political theme park we wander at will.
Or, since it’s so cold way up far north of Nome,
Maybe old Santa would like a new home.

How’s that for your Christmas? A Washington where
Our hopes and our dollars don’t vanish in air,
Where, thanks to old Santa and his bottomless sack,
We occasionally (annually) get something back.

But, of course, it’s just a dream.

Merry Christmas, everyone.  Hope I’ve cheered you up.

17 Responses to “A Christmas Wish”

  1. Gary Says:

    Merry Christmas, Tim and Mun.

  2. laren Says:

    On Romney on Perry, on Bachman, on Paul
    Oh, let’s just say screw it —
    Merry Christmas to all

    Nice poem Tim. Okay, not nice, but pretty damn on the (vanishing) money.

  3. EverettK Says:

    Merry Christmas, Tim! Give Mun a cheek-peck for me, okay? 🙂

    (And thanks for the poem, lovely!)

    And Merry Christmas to all the Blog Cabin occupants, too!

  4. Pat Browning Says:

    Pretty funny, Tim! My laugh for the day, and Merry Christmas to you and Mun!
    Pat Browning

  5. Ken Lewis Says:

    A Tim Dickens Christmas. I love it!

  6. Shelley Noble Says:

    Scary good. Neat trick to send-up what’s already a farce.

  7. Ralph Says:

    I smile as I read this, so clever and true.

    Washington’s wonky, I share in this view.

    A small consolation as I head off to bed,

    At least we didn’t vote in Palin instead.


    Bravo Tim! Have an amazing Holiday!

  8. J. R. Lindermuth Says:

    Bravo, Tim. Well said. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and yours.

  9. pauli & Peter Says:

    The Christmas poem was quite a journey, with many chuckles and gasps, guffaws and omg’s along the way. Sharp turns left and right. Kind of like a Yuletide roller coaster!

  10. Dana King Says:

    Well done, and not as unrealistic as you might think. I’ve read in several reliable sources that if Congress does nothing for about ten years, the budget will balance itself, just by letting the laws on the books take their course. (Affordable Care Act, Dodd-Frank, expiration of the Bush tax cuts, ending the wars.)

  11. Beth Anderson Says:

    Tim, this is WONDERFUL. Merry Christmas to you!

  12. Jackie King Says:

    I smiled a very sad smile all the way through this clever poem. My heart aches, because it is all so true. But I love wit and charm, and you are filled with both. As long as we have voters like you and your blog followers, I think there may still be hope.

  13. Lil Gluckstern Says:

    Very clever and helps to make us smile through the mess. A wonderful Christmas to you and Munyin and Michael, Robb, and all of you back bloggers who make this so satisfying, and fun.

  14. Timothy Hallinan Says:

    Wow, I gave a poetry reading and people showed up. What are the odds?

    Thanks to you all, and my apologies for the dyspeptic tone. Something about public “servants” brings out the worst in me.

    GARY, Merry Christmas to you and Lan, and I hope the rains and the flooding are well and truly over. (Gary’s in Phnom Penh.)

    LAREN, you’re the poet laureate. I tried to work some names in but screwed it up. Merry Christmas to you, too, plus Penelope, Arissa, and the ever-changing cloud of dogs.

    EVERETT, We all return your Christmas wishes, and Munyin will keep the cheek-peck.

    PAT, So glad it made you smile. If we’re not smiling today and tomorrow, something is wrong. (Even me.)

    KEN, great to hear from you, and I hope the new book is going great.

    SHELLEY, thanks so much, and it was fun to write. I had no idea it was coming — I just thought of the first line of the poem and saw “House” as capitalized, and the rest of it came in about 25 minutes.

    RALPH, quatrain for quatrain, you win. Happy holidays to you, too — and I hope the movie’s coming together.

    J.K — Bravo back atcha, and the best holidays ever.

    PAULI & PETER, omg indeed, and you guys are such good friends. I personally define “friend” as “Somoeone upon whom one can inflict ones poetry.”

    DANA — The best government at this point would be no government, unless we can vote out every incumbent in the nation and replace them with someone who regards problems as something to be solved rather than as planks in a campaign platform. Likely? Not very, unfortunately.

    BETH, thank you so much, and the best of holidays to you.

    JACKIE, my blog tour partner, thanks for dropping by and sharing my heartache. I think there are a lot of people like us, although we’re (unfortunately) not organized.

    Lil, all of us say happy holidays to you. If you want a cheerier take on Christmas, read what I’ll post at MURDER IS EVERYWHERE tomorrow. I may put it up here, too.

    Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

  15. Debbi Says:

    Great poetry reading, Tim. You really captured the slightly nauseating essence of the nation’s capital well with your words.

    Just be happy you don’t have to actually live here.

    Merry Christmas to you and Mun! 🙂

  16. Julie Evelsizer Says:

    A dream, indeed. Great poem. A last-minute Merry Christmas to you and your family, Tim.

  17. John Lindquist Says:

    Wow, you batted another home run with this one, Tim! Thinking about Wisconsin, perhaps an updating of “Junior Executive” would be in order. 🙂 Recall them all! (From my older Kindle up in the northern tundra. Hey, we still have the Packers.)

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