Dumbest Spam of the Month

June 14th, 2009

This evening I received the following e-mail in the Blog Cabin inbox:

“On Sunday while searching for clear clogged arteries, your post regarding Dinosaur Diet | Dinosaur Training came up.  Just wanted to drop you a quick note to say thank you for a great resource.  There is nothing else like your site on the net today.”

Don’t I know it.  If you only knew how hard I worked on that post regarding Dinosaur Diet/Dinosaur Training, you (whoever you are) would be even more deferential.  I sweat and slave over all these blogs (they’ve made me nearly prematurely gray), but that post regarding Dinosaur Diet/Dinosaur Training put me to bed for a week.  The Dinosaur Diet segment of the post was relatively easy, since we all know dinosaurs ate Very Big Macs, but the Dinosaur Training part was a stumper.  Just a few of the hurdles I had to clear:

Overcoming death.  It is extremely difficult to train dead animals.  And animals that have been dead for millions of years are as dumb as furniture.

To do what? What would I like to train a dinosaur to do?  It would be kind of cool to train two little dinosaurs to ride one on each shoulder, and dress one of them as an angel and the other as a devil to represent my errant tendencies and my conscience, but I could do that with parakeets, too, and I wouldn’t have to clear Hurdle One, overcoming death.  Also, parakeets are lighter than dinosaurs.   I could maybe train a bigger, meat-eating dinosaur, say a T-Rex, to imitate a highway toll booth and wait with his mouth open, holding a sign that says THREE DOLLARS, EXACT CHANGE ONLY at the top of an onramp.  I’d make a lot of money, but there’s still the death thing.  (By the way, I solved all these problems brilliantly in my post regarding Dinosaur Diet/Dinosaur Training, so go back in the blog and find it.  It’s back there somewhere.  If you find it, please e-mail me.)

But I’m worried about the guy who wrote the e-mail.  Did he find “clear clogged arteries?”  I mean how bad are his search skills if he was looking for “clear clogged arteries” and got my post regarding Dinosaur Diet/Dinosaur Training?  How badly and how quickly does he need to find “clear clogged arteries?”   I hope I didn’t keep him too long.  Although if you’ve only got a few minutes left, it’s hard to think of a better way to spend them than reading my post regarding Dinosaur Diet/Dinosaur Training.

What’s the dumbest spam you’ve had recently?

4 Responses to “Dumbest Spam of the Month”

  1. Sylvia Says:

    Wow – it’s almost clever. Probably a large percentage of posts that talk about Diet and Training would mention cholesterol or other issues to do with health and arteries. You would think after putting in the time and effort to come up with a comment that has a good chance of being taken seriously, the spammer would cast an eye over the results and weed out the clearly inappropriate ones!

  2. Suzanna Says:

    Hi, Tim

    You know, it was probably that whole post you had on dieting that tickled the spammer with the clogged arteries. Dinosaur Diet? Mostly plant life, and an occasional side of meat for some dinos– great way to lose weight! Dinosaur Training? I like your idea of the shoulder dwelling dinos. How cool would it be to have a mini watch-dino to guard your home? It could be trained to pounce on any unwelcome intruder, warding them off with a loud high-pitched cry and a thorny swipe of the claw. Sounds like a scene from Harry Potter.

  3. Phil Hanson Says:

    Hey, Tim, the problem with training little dinosaurs to ride on your shoulders lies not in training them to ride on your shoulders, but in training them NOT to snack on your earlobes while doing so.

    As for spam, it’s all so mind-numbingly stupid that it causes my brain to short out.

  4. Timothy Hallinan Says:

    Got this today from someone who calls him/herself Halim:

    “I have read several articles about snoring children but this post is very interesting to me compared to the other articles when I found it on Wednesday.”

    Hope to hell this post is more interesting than articles on snoring children. That’s precisely the minimum threshold I set myself for interest value. I ask myself repeatedly, “Is this post more interesting than an article on snoring children?”

    Thank you, Halim.

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